Marry the Actions. Divorce the Results.

I’m not sure exactly where or when I heard that pithy non-LOIS-ism bon mot (french for a tasty little sound bite!) but it hit me right between my literary eyes. BRILLIANT!

Today I got to experience it first hand before 8am. I stepped on the scale, my weekly Monday morning ritual since discovering my COVID-19 was turning into my own version of Freshman 15.

I lost a “measly” .4 pounds, after “doing all the in my book right things.” Intermittent fasting 14-16 hours, giving up dairy, gluten, sugar, processed grains (for the most part), and starches (sans squash family).

I watched myself go into a “look at all the work I’ve done and I’m not happy with the results” mode. It’s a slippery slope.

Lucky me I have a tool kit of how to reframe my thinking that could put True Value Hardware store to shame. I stopped and reminded myself, that a day at a time over the last 3 weeks I’ve lost a bit over 3 lbs but more importantly haven’t felt this alert, more energetic, and mostly awake to the nuances of life; basically stopped numbing myself with food, and believe me I haven’t binged in decades. My relationship with food at this juncture is far more subtle.

I actually redefined my new way of eating as “nutritional sobriety,” using food as a tool to stay awake and aligned with my best most vibrant self.

I had a choice, do I keep this funk “not enough” going or do I walk my talk and do a reframe. For me, that’s ALWAYS getting curious. What can I learn? The answer came to me.

Marry the Actions. Divorce the Results.

In almost every area of my life, I find this same pattern, sometimes subtle, sometimes blatant. Expectations; as a friend calls it are “planned disappointments” When I have expectations of how things “should” work out, I’m often disappointed. But when I truly fall in love with the process and glean the myriad of lessons I’ve learned throughout the process, the process is the progress itself.

Today I can choose to love and send healing to that wildly impatient part of me, but not allow it to dictate my peace of mind. Today I can say “vibrant health is the gift we’re going for,” and my sense of accomplishment isn’t about a number on a scale. Today I can say, “Ok this is EXCEEDINGLY vulnerable for me to share, but even if one person benefits from it, that will be the real accomplishment in it all.

So now I ask you, what goal are you going for, and how can the principle of Marry the Action, Divorce the Results help you get there?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks for tuning in and not tuning out.